A big town girl, with a small town heart...

Tonight, I had to run up to the fire department (every other day I go up there to check our Thermal Imaging Camera's battery because they like to completely drain out quickly) to do something and was driving home from the FD since I stopped on my way home from work. I don't know how I did it in Greenville. Now don't get me wrong. I totally miss being 5 minutes from work and 10 minutes from school and next semester is going to be rough since this will be my schedule:

Sunday: Work @ the hospital 9-5:30
Monday: Class @ GTC - 9-12:40, study in the library and then straight to work from 3-11:30.
Tuesday: Work @ the hospital 3-11:30
Wednesday: Same as Monday
Thursday: Same as Tuesday
Friday: Class Only @ GTC 9-12:40, come home for a nap lol
Saturday: FREEDOM!

And lets not forget, on top of this, I have my volunteer firefighter duties. Now, I know some of you might be concerned for Bella. She's going to be fine actually, she's getting a doggie roommate and my new (and improved!) roommate are going to work out helping each other with our dogs since we're both busy. But truly, as I drove through __(insert town I live in here)__ tonight, and it was so peaceful as most people aren't insane like me and work 2nd shift... I truly realized that I was home. Which is strange, since if you know me I was born and raised in a suburb in the smack middle of two cities known for their size. Dallas and Ft. Worth. So as I said, when I moved out to Greenville, I thought I'd feel right at home, but not at all. I was miserable there and only longed to return "home" to the small town. My Fire Department is here, I know a lot of people here, Clemson is nearby, and I have everything I need. I have a chick-fil-a, wal-mart, gas station and grocery store. Yep! Good to go!

So all in all, I might be a city girl deep inside... but at heart, this girl has gone country ;).

<3 B

Unappreciative

So today was my mom's birthday and man, I have an AWESOME mom. I feel bad because sometimes I say things I don't mean and don't always show that I appreciate her in the best of ways. I wouldn't be able to make it through college, life or anything without her. She pushed me to complete high school when it wasn't challenging enough and did her research to find me Winfree, which was the perfect solution. So why is my mom so cool?

-During a VERY difficult part of my life, she risked her job and made sure she was there for me every day and brought me my friends and our close family friends to encourage me while I dealt with things.

-She hates flying yet flew here for my Phi Theta Kappa induction, to sit there with me while I went through my very painful tonsilectomy (and talked to the cashier for me when I couldn't speak! I think she enjoyed the break from talking lol) and for my college graduation which was important to me since I couldn't have done it without her!

-Recently I ordered a necklace from my aunt who is an Avon consultant. Mom also ordered me mascara. Why? Because she knew I was running out before I did (and sure enough, the tube is getting low!) and ordered me a tube so I didn't panic when I ran out.

-She has supported me (with her own opinions) through every decision of mine. As far out as they sometimes were. And she understood that I needed to experience things on my own and learn life's lessons.

-Her cooking!

-The influence she has on my life. My mom gets her hair done, puts make up on and wears jeans everywhere yet.... she's a tomboy in the sense that she loves the outdoors and does things that boys would typically do (like feeding trantulas to chickens as a kid!). Sound familiar? I'm super girly yet love being a firefighter and I am excited about becoming a paramedic!

And there is so much more.... And I can't forget, she stays up until 10:30p her time to make sure I get to talk to her on my way home so that she can be sure I stay awake. We talk 3 times at least a day, she's truly my best friend.

So Mom, you may not know it by my actions but we're working on that. I truly love you and appreciate all you do for me. I appreciate that you are there for me when no one else is and understand me. Can't wait to see you August 5th!

Yes, I do realize I am a female....

Recently I was introducing someone to myself and in the situation I was in I have to use a certain model of introducing myself that requires me to share a little bit about my background. Well, being an EMT student is a part of that background so the person looked at me immediately and said "well isn't that kind of a rough field?" Well yes, it is but I'm used to it. I've seen things that I would never want to experience and at first had absolute nightmares but you eventually master the art of realizing it'd happen if you were there to help or not. So I explained to this person that I am a firefighter so a lot of what the EMTs go to I have to help out with anyways. Well this person's reaction actually confused me. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" I actually went and looked in the mirror because I was afraid I had food on my face or something to that affect but he was referring to the fact I am a female.

Now I get it, females wear their heart on their sleeve. Trust me, I'm no stranger to a good cry and I do get teary eyed at sad stories. But when it comes to my job, I have mastered the art of detaching from the situation by reminding myself that if I get upset or have severe empathy for the person, I'll be doing more harm than good. Now, if someone needs a shoulder to cry on as they watch everything they own go down in flames or because they just watched me declare their family member DOA, I'm there. I'm not going to say I am cold and heartless because there's a difference between emotionally detached and cold/heartless.

There's one problem with this whole equation. It doesn't fit well with a dating life. Some guys don't understand that if I get a 10-70 (fire) structure call, I have to go. I mean if that was your home would you want a girl to say "Hey, sorry I didn't assist my fire department and help one more hose line to put a fire out at your home but I was curled up on the couch with the guy I am trying to establish a future with". I don't think so. But I have a feeling if a guy was on a date and he said that then he'd be a hero and awesome all of a sudden. Man, it stinks being a girl.

So going back to my point, when in society did we become so dense to think that women can't make good firefighters? I mean sure, you have to prove yourself, but doesn't every firefighter have to do that? When in society did we think that women can't be good EMTs? I mean if you really want to be honest, an EMT is a nurse in the field who just has to step up their game.

Anyways, enough rambling. It's been a thoughtful morning, not just about this but about a couple of situations in my life. So. So. Confused.

B.

So, why EMT? I thought it was nursing.

Okay, so I figure I should start this blog out explaining my sudden "life change". I have been asked a lot why my major has changed AGAIN. Well, to be honest, it isn't all by choice. I had 2 semesters where I was going through some major life stuff and it was the beginning of me being sick so my GPA suffered and does not meet the minimum requirements for admission into the Greenville Tech nursing program. However through some loopholes I can get into the Clemson nursing program. BUT turns out if I go AAS-EMT > ADN > BSN, it's a lot quicker than either ADN > BSN (adding in the time it'd take me to raise my GPA and waitlist time) or AAS-EMT > BSN. Anddd this way I can complete my BSN by only attending class every 3 weeks at the University Center. I am extremely nervous. I have to complete 135 Intership Hours - Which equates to me riding around in an ambulance performing emergency skills with an actual paramedic for 405 hours total (135 per semester). AND I have to do a Clinicial at the hospital which is 90 hours for 2 semesters (180 total) but that should be pretty fun since I get to work in the Emergency Department, OB/GYN unit and etc. Long term though I still want to be a Women's Health or Trauma Nurse Practitioner. This is just a little short detour.

So why the new blog? Well, I've decided to start a new blog because the old one was shared with only my closest and family friends. I am done with that battle (stupid breast cancer!) and want to start a new chapter so why not a new blog? I plan on updating this a lot more often and not just updating about what's going on in my life but my thoughts on different things going on. Not to mention some of Bee See's Photography being shared on here until it grows enough for it to get it's own blog. So tune in for the fun!!!! Love ya'll!

B.

p.s. Feel free to ask me anything in the comments, I'll reply!